This week before departure has followed the usual pattern.
I have long lists of things to do, take, and buy. All the major tasks have been completed. But dealing with all of the last minute little things will still take up most of the next two days. The nice thing about coastal cruising in the United States is that it is generally easy to buy anything I forget or later discover I need.
The regrets to my invitations to join me have been arriving. When I tell friends about my cruises, they indicate a desire to accompany me on my next one. So I notify them and, typically, they decline. That's why I started singlehanded cruising. If I wasn't willing to go by myself, I wouldn't go at all.
One advantage of being a teacher is that I can take an extended cruise each summer. The disadvantage is that non-teachers (in other words, most other people) don't have the time to join me. Americans have significantly fewer vacation days than workers of any other industrialized country. (I recently heard about a survey which, if I recall correctly, revealed that American workers average only 14 vacation days a year. The next closest was Japanese workers with 25 vacation days a year.) It is understandable that my friends want or need to spend their limited vacation time with family or doing other things. Besides, I suspect an extended cruise on a small boat loses some of its appeal when they start thinking about it.
I become apprehensive as the departure date approaches. Trying to anticipate every possible need and contingency gets me thinking about everything that might happen. My most recurring concern is about entering unknown harbors and ports -- finding the entrance, avoiding shoals and other navigational hazards, docking or anchoring in wind, current, and congestion.
To the extent possible, I avoid going to the same place twice. One of the reasons I cruise is to explore new locales. But when singlehanding, navigating in close quarters near shore in unknown waters can be stressful. It's not the personal risk that bothers me; the worst that would probably happen is damage to my boat. It's the thought of all the possible consequences I would have to deal with if I screw up -- from having to delay or even abort my cruise to seriously injuring or killing someone.
A related concern on this cruise is transiting the Erie Canal. Will the lockmasters permit me to lock through singlehanded? If not, can I find a linehandler when I get there? Again, this is probably much ado about nothing. I've been allowed to singlehand through locks before and the lock attendants have always been helpful. When in the company of other boats, those with extra crew have often loaned me a person to handle my bow line. If worst comes to worst, I'll just tie up at the approach wall until I can entice a bystander aboard with the offer of a free trip through a lock.
Intellectually, I know my apprehension is unfounded. I am careful, I know how to handle my boat, I've cruised lots of miles and entered lots of new ports without serious incident. But there is always a first time.
I also know from experience that my feelings will change once I am underway. My speculation will give way to reality. I will be dealing with what is happening rather than worrying about what could happen. And once I get on open water, away from shore, a sense of peace, relaxation, and joy will settle over me.