If it ain't broke, break it.
Hard work is for people short on talent.
We have mileage, yardage, and footage. Why don't we have inchage?
My watch stopped. I think I'm down a quartz.
My phone number is seventeen. I got one of the early ones.
A tree: first you chop it down, then you chop it up.
Imagine meeting your maker and finding out it's Frito-Lay.
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
Baseball is the only major sport that appears backwards in a mirror.
The lazy composer still had several scores to settle.
I think you ought to be able to lease a dog.
What exactly is "diddley squat?"
If the bouncer gets drunk, who throws him out?
Beethoven was so hard of hearing he thought he was a painter.
This year is the two-millionth anniversary of sperm.
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
A laugh is a smile with a hole in it.
When are they gonna come up with some new Christmas carols?
Santa is satan spelled inside out.