Author's Notes: just a few thoughts on the ramifications of a simple word. Thanks to Kim W. for the quick beta...like the little white bunny, 'I'm late, I'm late, I'm late...'

Guiding Principles
by Jmas

Jim:

Guide...

That's what Brackett called Sandburg...

Guide...

My Guide.

'Every Sentinel had someone with him to watch his back...'

That's what Sandburg said that first day we met. And that was okay. I was a soldier, I am a cop...back-up is a concept I'm more than a little familiar with. It was easy to just say 'yeah, okay' to the kid then. He was helping me with these crazy senses; he was getting to write the dissertation that would earn him those three all-important letters after his name...

Good for him, good for me...

A win-win situation and everybody walks away happy...

But now...

Now.

That's the biggie.

Now I'm coming to realize just how much he does help, how much he has to lose of himself by doing it.

To be honest, I thought the kid didn't have the staying power to put up with me...or my way of life.for very long. I mean, hell, he was exposed to more violence in his first few days around me than he'd probably known in his entire young life.

Right off the bat came the Switchman case, before I had anything even passing as control over the sensory spikes that made me think I was going completely nuts. Nobody knew what was wrong with me...doctors, tests, all came up zero...

Until Sandburg - McKay - McCoy waltzed into that exam room with his non-stop spiel offering just enough hope to send me to a funky basement office/storeroom at Rainer U. on the slender chance something, *anything* could be done before I really did lose it.

Considering I slammed him up against the wall inside the first five minutes and threatened to haul him in on drug charges...such a totally unthinkable concept now that I know him...he made sense. But the whole Sentinel thing was just too...unreal, too far removed from the reality I had planned for my life to just accept it on the say-so of a long-hired, too-smart 'kid' who talked on so many tangents at once it made me dizzy just trying to keep up.

So I walked away...

Right into my first bona fide zone out...

Right into the path of a garbage truck...

Right into my first glimpse of just how wrong I was about Sandburg. He saved my ass...literally...on twenty minutes' acquaintance and he's saved my sanity on an almost daily basis ever since...

Veronica Saris didn't scare him off, the whole thing with Kincaid did seem to take the edge off his abundant enthusiasm...but not for long. He lost his home, moved in with me and then came Lash...

I thought that one would do it. I figured it would be the last straw; he'd cut his losses and leave. He didn't. It was tough for him...even I could see that. He went through some really hard times over that one. So did I. I think that was when I really started to realize our lives were connected in more than just the simple sharing of an apartment...

Somewhere along the line...we clicked...

His life and well-being became...important. He wasn't just a college kid studying my life, he was a big part of my life. A part that seemed to fit into an empty place I hadn't even known was there until it looked like Lash might take it away forever.

For all his quirks, for all his twenty-dollar words, for all the little things that cropped up from two distinctly individual guys living in one place...I realized just how much he grounded me. Not just the zones, but me...Jim Ellison, first class Neanderthal.

Guide...

It's a good word.

Blair Sandburg, B.A., M.A., Guide.

Looks good on paper, looks good on him...

Guide.

I can live with that.

******************************************

Guide?

Me?

No, no, no...

I'm just here to help Jim learn to use his senses and get data for the diss...

Right?

Right.

Guide...it's just a word.

Or is it?

And am I ready for everything it might mean if I keep sticking around with Jim?

Like there's any question of that, I'm here as long as he needs me.

Now there's a concept...Blair Sandburg making long-term commitment that doesn't involve getting the doctorate. It started that way, I meant for it to stay that way...but now...

Now.

Now I'm not sure how I feel...just that I can't just write the diss and go. There's more to it now...a connection...

Jim seems okay with the concept of me sticking around...and man was that a hard one for him to adapt to. He talks in terms of doing this or that next week, next month, next year...

I like that.

Actually I like that a lot. Stability was never my strong suit as far as a home life. Home was where I hung my backpack between expeditions and semesters were the longest term in any commitment besides the doctorate. Somehow...with Jim...that changed. I changed.

Jim lives in a world infinitely different from anything I'd ever known. As an anthropologist I knew this part of 'Life As We Know It in Modern Times' existed, but that knowledge was based on abstract theory and an extremely, um, unique childhood. For most of my life, violence was getting beat up by the local bully when we hit a new town or some prejudice attached to the implications of my last name.

It was a rocky start to say the least. He reacted pretty much the way I'd expect a behavioral throwback to...with his emotions and his hands. His emotions on 'high', his hands on me...

But once he calmed down and started listening to me, he seemed like an entirely different person. Smarter than he wanted people to think, a lot more fun than I'd have ever suspected and with a heart as big as his pretty damn impressive temper.

Since I met Jim I've been punched on, shot at, kidnapped by a serial killer...

Whoa, major head rush...it's still hard to think about that one...

I put a lot of effort into not thinking about it. Process it? Hell, denial is my best friend when it comes to David Lash.

Jim was a rock through all that. He didn't even mind the Blessed Protector crack. Somehow I think he takes that a lot more seriously than I meant him to...

I don't think I mind it though.

Not at all.

Guide.

Sounds a bit weird, even for me...

But I can do it...

As long as Jim needs me to...