Title: FUSE
By: DC Black (wolfquill@yahoo.com)
Date: 04/09/01
Category: Sequel, Forever in a Day, angst
Season: Season 3 (late)
Rating: PG
Content Warning: Just spoilers.
Summary: Daniel's first trip through the Gate since Forever In A Day. The team has not been happy. Jack decides something has to be done.
Spoilers: Massive and Multiple Spoilers for Forever in a Day-- you've been warned! Big spoiler for Secrets, Itty bitty spoiler for Children of the Gods
Author's Note: Thanks to Shiloh (who always makes me work harder!)and Skydiver for excellent betas. Reader feedback always welcome.
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters and background are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. In fact, I'm grateful for everyone involved in creating something this wonderful and complex that it makes me want to explore it further. Thank you all.

FUSE
by D. C. Black

The wormhole spit Major Samantha Carter out onto the alien world with a watery plop, her stomach inside out and her skin chilled. She couldn't help but think of her first time through the Stargate with every new trip. Colonel O'Neill had shoved her through before she was ready, and she had ended up on her knees, bruised and covered in frost, breathless with the rush and not able, immediately, to stand up. She had loved it, she still did. The fact that they had made adjustments over those first few months, so that travelers no longer tumbled out of the wormhole like frozen dice thrown by God, didn't dull the thrill for her at all. Her stomach still heaved like it did taking 8 g's in an F-16, and her foot impacting the soil - or in this case, polished marble landing - of an alien world still shivered through her like an orgasm. God, she loved her job!

Colonel O'Neill was ahead of her, already taking the wide, stone stairs down to the floor of the structure, his attention split between the automatic reflex to scan the area for hostiles and the incredible dome overhead.

"This has the appearance of a temple," Teal'c said as they followed their leader, staff weapon hanging loosely in his hand.

Carter's own MP5 hung forgotten from her shoulder. They didn't really expect trouble. All the UAVs had seen were these ruins perched atop a high, narrow mesa and surrounded to every horizon by flat, open grassland. That didn't necessarily mean no one was home, but the odds favored it. In fact, she suspected O'Neill had asked for this planet specifically because it was so safe and had this monumental ruin to explore. He had been very careful quizzing her and the survey specialists during the previous week about P4X-961. She'd suspected an ulterior motive at the time, but hadn't bothered to pursue it. As far as recon could determine, SG1 had the planet to themselves. They definitely seemed to have the building to themselves.

And what a building it was.

A thick, ten foot high stone wall enclosed a circle about a hundred yards in diameter and supported the ribs of the alien dome that soared another hundred feet overhead. Each polished rib was carved like a totem pole, with tier upon tier of intricate animals and plants and geometric patterns rising to the zenith, where a milky globe dangled, catching the colors of the sunset falling through the missing roof panels and reflecting them in a lilac glow. The panels that remained intact, or mostly intact, shimmered in the evening breeze like ruffled gauze. She wondered at a fabric that could survive the millennia that they guessed this ruin had stood here. And at the paints or dyes that colored the wall itself, between the dividers that reached from the curved wall, ten feet or so toward the center. The back of each cubicle had been decorated with the view of some fantastic alien landscape. The colors were still bright, the lines crisp as if the artists had left them there only days ago. Something that might be writing framed the murals, and the similarity to the geometrics on the dome ribs drew her eye up again. In fact everything drew the eye up, and the center of the building spread like a vast auditorium to allow a great number of people to sit and look at the dome. Rings of benches filled the space, each curved to fit the arc of the outer wall, four aisles breaking the seating into wedge-shaped sections. She noticed none of the aisles led directly from the center, where a podium stood on a raised platform, to the Stargate, tucked against the outer wall between cubicles, almost as an afterthought. Wondering what the significance of that could be, she turned to ask their fourth member, Daniel Jackson, and found him sitting on the top step in front of the Stargate, elbows on knees and the heels of his hands supporting his head.

Concern overrode surprise at once and she took a step in his direction. A grip on her arm stopped her, and she turned instead to face O'Neill. The waning light emphasized how much ground the grey in his hair had gained on the brown. Over his temples, he was nearly white. Had they been doing this that long? Or had the difficulty of their mission to defeat the Goa'uld worn on them that badly. She wondered if her years with the SGC had aged her similarly. They had definitely aged Daniel. The Colonel shook his head.

"Give him a minute," he said, quietly, so his voice wouldn't carry to the "him" in question.

Carter's brow furrowed, but before she could ask why, the answer occurred to her. This was Daniel's first mission through the Gate since his wife had died, the very first time he had traveled to another world and not had the hope of being reunited with Sha're. Sam glanced back at him, feeling selfish. She had been so happy to have him back with the team, that she had overlooked the potential for grief. Her heart ached for her friend. "His first time," she said, just as softly.

O'Neill smiled and let go of her arm. "That's what I like about you, Carter. I never have to explain anything twice."

"To Major Carter, you must rarely explain anything once."

Teal'c's voice drew their attention. As usual, Sam wasn't entirely sure if his comment was made in jest. Then the burly Jaffa added,

"Major Carter, however, must frequently explain things to you."

Carter laughed, catching herself too late to avoid the scowl from their fearless leader.

"Yeah, whatever," O'Neill grumbled. Then, his attention conveniently caught by something over her shoulder, he brightened. "So, Daniel, what do you make of this?"

"Well," Daniel said, looking around as he joined them. "It's old."

All trace of his recent solicitousness gone as if it had never existed, the Colonel scowled again. "And?"

"And..." Daniel considered. "It's been abandoned for a long time?"

"For this we bring you how many millions of light years?"

"Four thousand three -"

"Teal'c!"

"I just got here, Jack." Daniel gestured around them. "You think I just walk into a place and clairvoyantly know all about it?"

"Don't you?"

Carter almost laughed again at the utter confusion on the Colonel's face, feigned as it was. Daniel just glared his exasperation, hefted his pack and walked off along the back row of curved benches to the nearest aisle.

"I think that went well," O'Neill murmured, watching him stop to examine something toward the center of the ring. He turned back to the rest of his team. "Don't you think that went well?"

Carter decided discretion was, indeed, the better part of valor, and made her escape without answering.

#

"Hey, Teal'c!"

Jack O'Neill waited for the bald, brown head to appear around the edge of one of the marble walls that sectioned off the outer wall into little, ceiling-less offices. At least they looked like offices to him: small, identical (except for the subject of the art on the back wall), open so the boss could keep an eye on the cell's inhabitant. The pointy-haired guy from Dilbert would just love this set up. From the center, a man could see into every one of them. O'Neill waved and the Jaffa started toward him. He waited outside his own little cubicle a third of the way around the curve from the one Teal'c had been in. When Teal'c neared, Jack turned and strode back into the office, knowing the Jaffa would follow.

Inside, the room was different from the others. Oh, it still had the art on the back wall and the polished stone desk-looking thing, and it still stood open to surveillance, but one wall, instead of being finely etched marble, was metal. A rigid pattern of small, stylized shapes banded the metal wall, many of the shapes containing one or more crystals. Tiny swirls and angles of alien text labeled each shape. The whole thing looked like a control panel to Jack's admittedly inexpert eye.

"It seems to be a control panel," Teal'c announced, much to Jack's satisfaction.

"For what?"

"I do not know." Teal'c paused. He tipped his head, prelude to a question he considered forward. "Should you not be asking this of Daniel Jackson?"

O'Neill shifted, looking out of the cell toward where Daniel sat - still sat - on the innermost bench in profile to him. His legs were crossed, his laptop open in his lap, his fingers poised against the keyboard. All perfectly typical, except that the man had been in exactly that position for going on half an hour now. He hadn't looked around. He hadn't typed. He hadn't taken a single minute of video to pore over back on Earth. Carter was doing that, instead, on the far side of the building. Almost unconsciously, the three soldiers had spread out around Daniel, as far away as they could get, as if he gave off some invisible vibe to leave him alone. Invisible, hell. It was practically in neon. Since Sha're had died - okay, since Teal'c had killed her to save Daniel - the archeologist had kept to himself, buried in his books. He was still pleasant enough to them when they sought him out to answer some question or to try one more time to invite him out to socialize, but he never really seemed to be with them. Even at the funeral, Abydonian style with the feather and all, Daniel had accepted their concern and condolences from a distance. It was almost as if he were avoiding them.

Or maybe he was avoiding himself. Daniel, their passionate, emotional Daniel, had not even cried for Sha're. Jack was sure of it. He hadn't heard a single quiver in his friend's voice over the past weeks, not even when the topic grazed close to that open wound. Not once had there been a hint of tears in his eyes, no redness, no puffiness when he walked in on the scientist unannounced. No trying to hide a tissue and pretending he wasn't feeling it. It was as if Teal'c's shot had burned through Daniel, too, searing away his ability to feel.

"Colonel O'Neill."

Teal'c voice had the heavy, formal weight of a man about to make a confession. Jack put his musings on Daniel aside for a moment and turned to the Jaffa.

"I fear my actions have damaged SG1 beyond repair."

Though he shook his head to deny it, O'Neill was afraid of that, too. Teal'c had been unusually quiet, even for him, guilt making him stiff and cautious. Most of his free time, he spent in kelno'reem, searching for ... what Jack wasn't sure. Understanding? Absolution? Carter rarely surfaced from the physics lab any more to share some miraculous bit of engineering with them. She had grown frustrated without Daniel there to ask the right questions and translate for the rest of them. Jack, himself, had made the rounds from one of his team members to the next, keeping them connected with his presence, a bit of gossip here and there, or a suggestion for a night away from the mountain. But lately, the routine had become nothing more than a habit. He'd stopped getting anything near the kind of response he wanted. Now he just did it because he couldn't give up. None of them could. In some ways, it would have been easier if Amaunet or Teal'c had killed Daniel that day. They could have grieved and moved on. Instead they waited for Daniel to recover, like they would wait for someone in a coma to awaken, never knowing when that might be, but unwilling to write him off and go on without him.

Jack wasn't even sure they could go on without him. Not together, as a team. The balance would be gone. Whoever Hammond would bring in to fill the void would change the way the remaining three related to each other, and Daniel's nearness would change the way they would all relate to their new fourth. It could bring them closer, closing ranks to keep the new guy out of their circle. But that wouldn't bind them for long. It was too unhealthy, too petty. Eventually one of the replacements would hang in long enough to make it past the barrier and change them forever. He could see some M.I.T. superstar coming in and sweeping Carter off her feet whispering sweet differential equations in her ear. Whatever they were. Or a parent, maybe, to remind Teal'c of his son and make him yearn to free Chulak. He could lose them all. Would lose them if something didn't change. He could feel it coming.

And he was too old to start over with new faces. The temptations of retirement were too strong.

"I will return to Chulak. Perhaps if I were not present - "

Jack started at the eerie echo of his own thoughts. "No, no," he said, dismissing the offer with a grimace. "You're not going anywhere. And if SG1 is damaged, that snake Amaunet did it, not you." He hesitated a moment, before he pulled his radio from its pocket on his vest and set it to Carter's private frequency. "Carter," he said into it, quietly, releasing the transmit button to wait for her reply.

He didn't have long to wait. Promptly, Carter's voice responded. "Yes, sir."

O'Neill walked to the end of the dividing wall, to see the woman better. He raised the radio to his mouth. "Talk to Daniel."

There was the soft hiss of static to mark the open line for a long minute. Across the wide auditorium, Carter let the digital camera droop forgotten in her hand. She turned to find them with her eyes. "Sir?" she asked finally, gingerly, her voice thinned by the transmission.

Great. This time she was going to make him spell it out. "Something's up with Daniel. He's not acting normal."

"Sir," she suggested. "His wife just died."

"And don't you think he's taking that a little too well?"

O'Neill watched her dip her blonde head in thought before she tried again. "Sir, I don't think he wants -"

"I don't care what he wants, Major. That's an order."

Another long silence hissed from the radio as Carter turned to look at Daniel, still motionless near the center of the ring of seats. Across the distance, she turned back to her commanding officer and squared her shoulders. The radio sounded. "Yes, sir."

She moved off toward her teammate as if she were a demolitions rookie approaching her first live bomb. Daniel didn't seem to notice right away when she reached him. O'Neill heard the murmur of their voices, then abruptly, Daniel stood up and walked out through the high, arched doorway overlooking the plain that surrounded the mesa. Carter looked Jack's way again. He tipped his head the direction Daniel had gone, and after a pause for a deep breath and a shake of her head, she followed in the archeologist's wake.

Jack watched them disappear, one after the other, through the arch. He didn't know what else to do. This little outing had been his last hope of sparking something of Daniel's old self. If there was nothing left of their friend and teammate, then it was better that they find out now. He'd lit the fuse. Now all he could do was wait and prepare to pick up the pieces.

#

Carter found Daniel just outside the arched portico of the rotunda, standing on the thick, waist-high wall that wrapped the building's outer ring, a wide promenade. Where Daniel stood, the wall passed the columned entry and continued its curve down from the peak of the mesa in a series of huge, stepped blocks, each dropping a meter or so from the one above. It protectively edged a steep flight of broad, shallow stairs that led to the expansive courtyard below, an open paved space that comprised the bulk of the flat top of the rock spire. He leaned against the last rise of stone before the colonnade wall leveled off and looked down at the sheer drop to the floor of the grass-covered valley. Cater knew, from the UAV recon, that the drop rivaled the height of the Golden Gate Bridge, and she couldn't help but think it would be just as effective for a suicide. She hated the idea that Daniel could be so far gone. But as much as she hated it, she couldn't dismiss it. Not after seeing the isolation building around him these past weeks.

"Daniel?" she said gently. She approached him slowly, at an angle that would let him see her coming. Even though his perch was a solid three feet wide, now was not a good time to startle him. "Want to come down from there?"

Daniel's chin dropped, his lips twitching in a mockery of a smile. "I'm not going to jump, if that's what you're thinking."

He didn't move. She took a step closer, feeling the need to say something more, to keep him focused on her. "I don't know what you're thinking these days. Why don't we go back inside?"

"Why?" Daniel turned his head just enough to see her, then waved an arm, vaguely encompassing the entire planet. "There's nothing dangerous out here. Jack made sure of that, didn't he?"

"Maybe." Carter flinched at her own denseness. Even from behind that wall Daniel had built, he had picked up on the - now obvious - reason the colonel had asked so many questions about this planet. Annoyance itched in her. She had been too wrapped up in her experiments to think beyond them. And now she wondered if O'Neill had planned to sic her on the archeologist all along. "Does it matter?"

Daniel considered that a moment, then, without comment, stepped away from the precipice at last, and sat, his legs hanging over the edge of the marbled wall on the stairway side, facing Sam. If he fell - or jumped - from there, he would land on the polished steps, safe and sound. Carter allowed herself to breathe. Shifting her rifle out of the way, she leaned against the cool stone next to his knees.

"So." She had no idea where to begin.

Daniel didn't help. "So," he repeated.

"Talk to me," she said at last, hoping to push the ball firmly into Daniel's court. "Tell me what you're thinking."

The lob came right back at her. "About what?"

Carter managed not to let the grimace reach her face. She entertained a brief fantasy involving the colonel and hard vacuum, before she answered. "About what you're feeling. About Sha're. About anything you want."

Daniel looked at his hands, restless in his lap. His jaw locked tight under eyes that smoldered suddenly with a fusion of dark emotion. He pushed off the wall and dropped to the step below, heading up the flight, back inside. Cursing O'Neill and herself, Carter hurried to block his path, taking the stairs two at a time until she was above him. She turned and put a hand against his chest, firmly refusing to let him pass when he tried. He glared at her, eye to eye, maintaining his position without surrender. Carter put no faith in her brief advantage. She felt Daniel's impatience growing as she searched for the right words. She ran out of time before she found them. Daniel shifted away from her. She side-stepped to block his escape, irritated at her own failing, at O'Neill's assumption that she would be better at this than he would.

"You can't keep avoiding this, Daniel. If you don't want to talk to me, talk to Colonel O'Neill."

"Ah, yes." Daniel's voice frosted with sarcasm. "Our expert on emotional discourse."

"No, Daniel. That would be you," she snapped, her anger rising. She sounded far too like the colonel for her taste. Had she been O'Neill, she was certain Daniel would have fought back, starting an argument that would have gotten them nowhere. But she wasn't the colonel, and although the anger flashed in Daniel's eyes and the press of his lips, he said nothing. Carter felt her advantage swell and pressed it. "But you're shut up behind this... this containment field of yours, and we're falling apart out here without you."

Finally, Daniel looked away, the anger draining from his face. Guilt took its place. His shoulders slumped, giving way under the weight of it. She had him. He still cared for them. She leveraged that hold on him, though her own guilt stirred at using his concern against him. She removed the restraining hand from his chest, turning the gesture into a imploring pressure against his arm, and told him the truth. "Teal'c's been spending all his time meditating on you and Sha're. The colonel is sniping at everybody. I'm talking to bricks when it comes to science."

Carter caught a glimpse of a real smile crossing his face, though his head still hung.

"The colonel once called you our conscience," she continued softly, remembering that first time they had thought they'd lost him. There had been an emptiness inside her that she had never expected. The same emptiness she'd been ignoring since the funeral on Abydos, that she had buried under her work. She focused on her orders and made the conscious decision to show him her feelings, the uneasiness and the ache of missing him, missing them all. She allowed desperation to creep into her tone, knowing the effect it would have on him. Take the shot, Major. "I think you're our heart, too. We need you and you're shutting us out. What did we do? Why do you feel the need to hide from us?"

He looked up abruptly, eyes wide with shock. "Nothing! No, it's not - Why would you even think that?"

"What else could it be? Is it that Teal'c -"

"No." His denial came too fast, as if he couldn't bear the memory. He sank onto the stone step, yielding to her in some why she didn't quite understand. "No. It's not Teal'c. It's not any of you."

Slowly, she lowered herself beside him, automatically shrugging her MP5 higher across her back, her mind racing between the lines. If it wasn't any of them... "Then it's you?" She put her hand on his arm again, gentle support. "Daniel, what is it you don't want us to know?"

For a moment, she thought he wouldn't answer. Then, his voice shaking with the effort to say it, he revealed, "I want off the team."

A chasm opened up around Carter. Suddenly she could see what had prompted O'Neill to command her into this. An image of the team without Daniel formed instantaneously. An image of the team falling apart, reforming into something new, and not so comfortable, not so instinctive and effective. She could see Teal'c taking responsibility for the dissolution, returning to Chulak as penance. She could see O'Neill retiring, not wanting to deal with the change. She could forget herself and make a play for him then, but what would she have lost in the meantime? And how long could she rationally expect to live fighting the Goa'uld without her friends to back her up? The SGC body count was growing by the week. Their chemistry, their trust, and most of all, Daniel's insight and determination had kept them alive through all these missions. Without that, how long would any of them last?

She stared at Daniel, realizing for the first time how fragile the balance of their team truly was. Daniel was their heart. She hadn't exactly believed it when she'd said it, but she believed it now. He held them together, bound them with his understanding, his compassion. He led them emotionally, the way Colonel O'Neill led them physically. Her shock softened her voice, as if she were approaching something new and suddenly very dangerous. "Why?"

Daniel laughed, a quiet breath of sound that almost didn't warrant the name. He looked up at the darkening sky above them, and she followed suit, looking up, too. A handful of stars out-shown the dusk now. A crescent moon rode the greying horizon. It's greenish color reminded Carter that she sat on an alien world. Unexpectedly, she felt vulnerable and very far from home.

"I just can't do this anymore. Travel through the Chaapa'ai. Walk among the gods. I thought I could, if I gave myself time. I promised Sha're I would." Daniel paused, his gaze dropping once more. "I can't." His voice became a whisper. "It hurts too much."

His pain cut at Carter's heart, tore her breath away and left a well of tears rising to her eyes. She slid closer to him, daring more than a touch of her fingers. She laid her arm across his shoulders and felt, for the first time, how each breath he drew shook him. "You don't have the hope of finding her anymore. I can't imagine what you must be feeling."

"It's more than that." He drew a deep breath and lifted glistening eyes to meet hers. "I killed her."

#

As a rule, O'Neill didn't push alien buttons on alien devices on alien worlds. Too often, a little thing like that could get a person killed. And besides, he had Carter and Daniel to do that sort of thing. Against orders. Always against orders. Scientists!

Jack shook his head, resisting the urge to pace, to barge out onto the porch and find out what the hell Carter and Daniel were doing out there. But there was a reason Jack had sent Carter on this mission, the same reason Jack had to cool his heels and wait it out inside. He was too nervous, too angry at the whole situation to confront Daniel without starting an argument. He wouldn't mean to, but it would happen, and then Daniel would be another million miles further away from them than when they'd started.

So Jack O'Neill pushed buttons and distracted himself with the incredible overhead display that sprang to life at his touch. The gauzy panels overhead, even the torn and shredded ones, stiffened and showed the night sky from a different world for every button he pushed. Like an ultra high resolution planetarium, a landscape horizon rose from the top of the wall all around the circle, edging the starscapes. The stars themselves shone with incredible color and clarity as if the atmosphere had been stripped away, leaving them naked to his eyes. Each button on the control panel changed the landscape, changed the combinations of stars, the moons, even changed the time of night to show it all at its absolute best. Under other circumstances, he could have pulled up a chair and sat there for hours, watching the stars, trying to figure out if any of them were stars he knew from home, or the suns of planets he'd been to, or how he could go visit them.

Under other circumstances.

He glanced out of the control cubicle, to where Teal'c sat with his staff weapon across his knees, either watching the show or meditating. It was hard to tell which. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught movement beyond the Jaffa, Carter wandering toward him, her stride shortened and slowed by the surprising starscape glittering on the remains of the dome overhead. Immediately, O'Neill hit the button he'd determined to be the on-off switch and the night sky turned to limp, translucent gauze again. Carter stopped, startled, then collected herself and strode purposefully toward O'Neill. As she passed, Teal'c roused himself and fell in behind her.

Unable to wait even those few seconds more, Jack hurried to meet them outside the control cubicle. "Well?" he demanded of Carter, before they had quite grouped properly.

Carter took the last few steps to bring them together before she answered. Jack noticed the red edge to her eyes, the rigid set to her beautiful jawline. She drew a deep breath. "Daniel wants off the team. He thinks he killed Sha're because he didn't obey when you ordered us to fall back to the stargate with the Abydonians." She paused. "He thinks Powell and Tran are his fault, too."

"Damn," O'Neill swore softly. His teeth ground together on his frustration. He hadn't seen this coming. Maybe he should have, but he hadn't. He'd never even considered it. He expected Daniel to disobey orders. Sometimes, he depended on it. He hadn't even thought about it when he'd sent Teal'c after the archeologist that day; compensating for the "Daniel factor" had become second nature to him. And, he had to admit, the man's impulses had saved them and brought them allies a lot more often than they got them into tight spots. Yeah, it might have been easier if Daniel had obeyed him that day. Sha're would still be alive. SG3 wouldn't have added Tran and Powell to their casualty list. But they wouldn't know about the Harsesis and the weapon the boy could be against the Goa'uld, or that Amaunet had hidden him someplace called Kheb. Amaunet would still be wreaking havoc on dozens of worlds. An entire battalion of Horus Guards would still be alive and killing innocents. By disobeying, Daniel had bought the SGC far more than he had cost them.

Obviously, Daniel didn't see it that way.

"You told him that's crap, right?" O'Neill said, knowing she had, and knowing it hadn't made any difference.

"Yes, sir." Carter looked like she had fought that battle all over again. He face was drawn and tired. Her rifle hung so heavily from her hand that its muzzle nearly scraped the floor. "He didn't buy it." She hesitated, then continued. "He has a point, sir. If he hadn't -"

"I do not want to hear that, Major," he snapped, cutting her off. She visibly flinched under the reprimand, and he regretted it immediately. He smoothed his voice into something near conciliation before he spoke again. "This is Daniel we're talking about. He couldn't walk away from a chance to save his wife. Not one chance."

Teal'c bowed his head, as if accepting - again - his responsibility for making that day's chance Daniel's very last. Carter nodded her agreement, too drained to do more. Jack felt the same way, as if someone had ripped his guts out while he wasn't looking and all his hope had bled out onto the floor.

"So what do we do?" Carter asked of them both. "Let him go?"

Teal'c answered her, his deep voice restrained and heavy with sadness. "There would appear to be no alternative."

O'Neill looked from one to the other, seeing shadows, husks, where he had once seen the very best warriors two planets had to offer. A reflection of himself, no doubt. He dragged a hand over his face, trying to erase the vision, the feeling, the siren song of retirement. They couldn't end like this. There had to be a way, there had to be something about this situation that could set Daniel free of his guilt. But, according to Daniel's reports of his wife's communication through the ribbon device, Sha're had already covered this ground. She had convinced him to forgive Teal'c. She had made him promise to find the boy. She given him her love and released him to his own future without her. She had done it all. Like a good soldier, she had sacrificed -

Jack's brain tripped, toppling over his last few thoughts in a tangle of possibilities.

Sha're had done it all.

"Yes," Jack breathed, barely restraining himself from grabbing each of his teammates in turn and kissing them. "Yes!"

They both started and stared at him as if he'd gone mad. His fingers worked, still wanting to grab someone in his sudden anticipation. He couldn't take time to explain, not with Daniel sitting alone outside, thinking he'd killed his wife and ready to break up SG1 because of it. With an apologetic look, he left them in utter confusion and headed for the exit, double-time.

#

When he cleared the portico and could see Daniel hunched on the steps below, Jack finally slowed. He took a deep breath and sauntered the rest of the way to his friend, covering his hope and his need and his nervousness with languid detachment. This wasn't the sort of battle he was confident fighting, but he'd be damned if his own fear would defeat him.

Daniel looked up, then away, as O'Neill took a seat next to him on the night-cold stone. The new widower scrubbed the cuff of his field jacket across his face to wipe away his tears. It's about damn time, Jack thought, satisfied that at least the man was grieving. O'Neill made a production of settling his rifle across the step at his own feet to give his friend an extra minute. He could have laid two of the MP5s on the deep tread and still had room to spare. Finally, he cleared his throat and said, "So. I hear you don't want to stay with the team."

Putting on his glasses, Daniel shook his head, still not looking at him. O'Neill supposed he couldn't trust his voice, and didn't want to face Jack's censure, not that anything like that was on the agenda. He watched Daniel struggle for some semblance of his usual control and fail miserably to achieve it. He'd held the pain in too long, allowed it to grow well beyond his considerable abilities to tame, now that it had slipped free. O'Neill looked at his rifle again, unsettled by Daniel's now-too-obvious misery. He fingered the nylon sling and placed it, just so, over the trigger guard, wishing he'd felt more at ease talking about feelings. Maybe things wouldn't have gotten this far.

"So," O'Neill said again, at last. "What do you want?"

Daniel's mouth twitched into a smile so weighted with irony and self-reproach, that Jack froze at the sight. "I want my wife," Daniel said. His tone became quiet, distant. "All I've ever wanted is Sha're, and I killed her."

O'Neill resisted the urge to slap the back of Daniel's head, to knock that idea right out of him. He knew it wouldn't do any good. The man was like a pit bull when he got hold of an idea. He'd never let it go until something bigger, truer, took its place. Jack had that something, he reminded himself. He hoped to hell he had it. He glanced at his friend, keeping his tone friendly and carefully impartial as he engaged his strategy, committing them all. "That's one way of looking at it."

Daniel speared him with a glare, annoyance surging as if O'Neill had told a joke in bad taste. "What other way is there?" he demanded.

"That you did exactly what Sha're wanted you to."

"Right, Jack," he bit back. "My wife wanted me to get her killed."

"No," O'Neill said carefully, struggling to keep his tone even. Despite his efforts, or because of them, they were on the knife-edge of a fight again, as they were so often even under the best circumstances. With Daniel's anger finally surfacing, Jack knew he was too convenient a target for it. That's why he had sent Carter to handle the emotional stuff in the first place. Now, he needed Daniel to think. "I don't think Sha're wanted to die. I don't think she wanted to hurt you, either. But I do think she set the whole thing up."

All expression drained from Daniel's face, then his eyes narrowed and his fist clenched between his knees as if he prepared to rabbit punch the colonel for the insult to his wife's memory. As if his soulmate could never be that Machiavellian. Jack suspected she had been. Giving them the information on the Harsesis, on her son, had been that important to her.

"Think about it, Daniel," O'Neill continued, overlooking the reaction. "Why did Amaunet take Kasuf? It's not like he got caught in the sweep because the kid lived next door."

In fact, Kasuf had hidden the child far away. Though he'd originally intended to vanish with his grandson, he'd realized his own disappearance might have revealled their ruse, to convince Apophis that Heru'ur had the boy, and Heru'ur that Apophis took him, should the Gao'uld check back. He'd sent the baby to live on an isolated farm where the newborn's sudden appearance wouldn't raise any eyebrows. It helped that the farming village lay a hundred miles from the mines, Ra's pyramid and its stargate, and few people made the trip except for trade. Hammond had authorized arms for the couple, just in case, but Kasuf had hidden the boy well.

Or so they thought.

How Amaunet had found the kid wasn't the point. She had found him, and could have easily swept down on the river and carried the boy away before Kasuf even knew she'd been there. Mission accomplished at zero risk. Instead, she'd gone out of her way to hunt down and capture the one man on Abydos who could contact the SGC and ruin her plan.

Jack watched Daniel's mind engage, follow that same knowledge to the same end question. He could see it happening in the furrowing between his brows, in the fact that the punch never got thrown. "So..." Daniel drew the word out as if suspicious of where Jack would lead him. "Why did Amaunet take Kasuf?"

"Because Sha're put the idea in her evil, little mind. It wouldn't take much. That rotten, arrogant parasite already wanted you dead. They all do. Sha're made her think it was a really good way to draw you out, and that that particular day was a really good day for you to die."

Daniel stared at him as if he'd sprouted a Goa'uld worm from his forehead. He jumped to his feet and paced away from the colonel, across the broad step. "That's ridiculous! Amaunet had her - "

Jack stood as well. He made sure he moved slowly and stayed on a lower step, yielding the high ground to his friend, but not letting him out of arm's reach. He had to keep Daniel focused, keep him thinking. If Daniel didn't accept that Sha're could influence the symbiote, then Jack had nothing. "Come on, Daniel. You're the one who's always saying the hosts survive. That they feel and think and fight back. You said Sha're kept Amaunet from killing you, all of us, on Abydos, the day her son was born. How can you not see this?"

"See what?" Daniel spun on him, glowering like some avenging angel defending his wife's memory. "That Sha're wanted me dead?"

Silently cursing himself, O'Neill clamped his teeth together as he looked away, breaking the staring contest immediately, before Daniel picked up on his frustration and fed on it. Jack had screwed up. One more wrong word and Daniel was gone, and SG1 with him.

"Daniel, that's not what I'm saying. Sha're needed you alive, to find her son. She counted on one of us to save you. It just happened to be Teal'c." He paused, in awe that Sha're had trusted them that much. "Look, if Amaunet was running the show, don't you think she would have just taken the kid and left? She could grab your father-in-law any time and we'd come running. Why that day, when what she needed was a quick slave round-up to cover the kidnapping, not a battle with the Tau'ri that would send up flares to every other Goa'uld in the area? Why would Amaunet risk the Harsesis just to kill you? Why was she so sloppy that Kasuf got a message off to us, complete with the IDC and the address of P8X-873 so we could follow? God, Daniel, if we'd been five minutes faster, we'd have the boy! Why would she risk that?"

Daniel stared at him, every muscle in his face pinched with the effort of trying to answer those questions, to integrate Jack's take on that day into his reality. Then, slowly, his expression changed, his eyes narrowing and his brows drawing together, as if he'd seen something horrible, but couldn't look away. The sight cut O'Neill like a sword to his belly, and he wondered, briefly, if knowing Sha're had sacrificed herself on purpose would be any better for Daniel than thinking he had caused her death. Doggedly, he plowed on.

"Sha're had to have planned the whole thing, Daniel. She was just waiting to reach through that ribbon thing and talk to you! My God, the first thing she did was insist you forgive Teal'c. She knew how you'd react. She'd worked out a way to slip past all of Amaunet's defenses and tell you the one thing that snake didn't want you to know. Giving you that information was that important to her. Destroying the Goa'uld, saving her son, was that important to her! Why is it so hard to believe she set the whole thing up, just for the chance to do that?"

Daniel's gaze dropped, his eyes losing their focus as O'Neill talked. Jack was sure Daniel didn't see the veined and polished stone at his feet. He had to be remembering that morning on P8X-873, rethinking all the assumptions he had made, examining the evidence in the light of Jack's new theory. He had to be. O'Neill bit his lip, wondering if he needed to say something more, or if Daniel just needed the time to think it through for himself. Jack wanted to pace, to argue, to do anything to hurry things along to the conclusion he wanted. Instead, he waited, struggling through every second that passed. The silence stretched. The intensity in Daniel's expression shifted, endlessly, pursuing every line of argument to its end. Then suddenly it broke. Daniel drew a sharp breath, throwing his head back as if searching the heavens for relief. Finding none, he covered his face with his hands.

"Oh, God," he whispered, then looked at Jack in desperate bewilderment. "Why did she do it, Jack? Why didn't she wait?"

"The same reason you didn't. Because neither one of you knew if there'd ever be another chance."

Daniel froze, then blinked and looked away. He sat down hard, as if his legs wouldn't hold him, and kept blinking against the tears that pooled in his eyes. His breath came in shallow, ragged gasps. With a soft moan, he doubled over where he sat, arms wrapped around his middle as if he'd been gut-shot, and buried his face against his knees.

Lowering himself to a crouch beside him, Jack rubbed a hand across his friend's quaking back.

"You didn't kill her, Daniel. You did exactly what she wanted you to. She counted on you and you never let her down."

#

"It's been over an hour. Do you think we need to go out there?" Carter asked, looking up from the component she'd carefully removed from the control panel. She'd needed something to keep her busy, while Jack was outside with Daniel, but she couldn't concentrate any more. She had been angry at O'Neill for sending her to Daniel, and now she wanted nothing more than to be out there, handling the mission herself, as if she didn't trust the colonel to rescue Daniel on his own.

"I do not."

Teal'c answered her from across the stone workbench, where he examined another bit of the control wall. He'd sat impassively since they'd decided to make the examination, speaking only to declare that it did not seem to be Goa'uld technology or in reply to her questions. His massive stillness made her agitation seem that much more pronounced. She pushed away from the table and began to pace, from one end of the room to the other and back again, pausing each time she reached the open end to look toward the rotunda's entry arch.

"This activity serves no purpose, Major Carter."

She glanced at him, and found his eyes tracking her. Nothing else about him moved, just his eyes. "I know, I know. It's just - I don't know."

He lifted an eyebrow at her cryptic reply and turned his attention back to the components.

Carter sighed, knowing he was right, but she couldn't stop. She felt lost, out of control, with a cold fear climbing from her gut, like the first time she parachuted into the ocean at night, or the time her jet got shot to hell over Iraq. She'd fought with everything she had to coax the crippled Sentry into allied territory, and she'd been terrified every second.

But she had been in control that night, she reminded herself. Her fate had rested on her own reflexes and her own decisions. Her mind had automatically shut down her emotions and speculations and focused on the plane, the shuddering in her control column, the erratic give in her damaged wings, the stubbornness of the rudder.

She took a deep breath and forced herself to stop pacing. She was still in control. Whatever happened, whatever inspiration O'Neill had had, whichever way Daniel decided to take them, she was still a major in the United States Air Force and the foremost expert on gate technology on Earth. Her world would not fall apart if she lost SG1. It would change, radically, in ways she'd never volunteer for and couldn't fully predict, but she would adapt. She would adapt. She held that thought, wrapped it around herself like a shield.

"Okay, people! Time's up!"

Carter hurried back to the open end of the control room to see O'Neill taking a position near the waist-high dial home device. He looked energized, in control, normal. Sam's heart leapt. She searched for Daniel and found him there, too, at the center of the room, already stowing his laptop in his pack.

"Carter! Teal'c! We're moving out in two!" their commander barked, the acoustics making the order sound as if it came from right in front of her, despite the shattered dome. Carter made a note to mention that in her report, then turned to go back into the room and collect her stuff. She practically collided with Teal'c, who stood behind her, holding her loaded backpack and MP5.

"I took the liberty of preparing your kit."

She took it from him and slid her arms through the webbing. "Thanks, Teal'c."

"You are most welcome." The Jaffa nodded, handed over the rifle and preceded her out of the control room.

Teal'c went straight for O'Neill, but Carter slowed her steps, timing her approach to meet Daniel as he came up the aisle nearest the stargate. His eyes were puffy and red when he glanced at her, his demeanor embarrassed, almost contrite. For all her curiosity, her impatience, her need to know, now, what her future held, Carter couldn't think of a good thing to say.

Daniel filled the silence, just barely. "Um, I owe you an apology. All of you really."

"No, you don't."

"Yeah, I think I do. You were right. I shouldn't have... I should have said something sooner."

Carter refrained from agreeing with him, as they reached the bottom of the stairway leading up to the gate platform. She didn't want to add to his obvious discomfort. Instead, she asked the question uppermost in her mind. "So, are you still planning to leave?"

He glanced away, swallowing hard, and the optimism O'Neill's appearance had sparked in her dimmed.

The colonel came up beside them, while Teal'c dialed home, pressing the sequence of symbols that would open the wormhole to Earth. "Ah, he's not leaving," O'Neill answered for Daniel. "He needs us. We need him. Where's the question mark here?"

Carter looked to Daniel for confirmation, but Daniel was looking at Jack, admonition in the faint glare he gave the colonel. "Jack."

"Daniel," O'Neill responded automatically, refusing to be daunted.

"I haven't made that decision yet."

Carter's heart fell. She collected it from the bottom of her belly and set it back in place. After all, Daniel was talking. The colonel was confident. Something had changed while the two men had been out on the portico.

"Right. You have to think about it," O'Neill went on, then turned to Sam. "Carter, why is it you eggheads have to think about everything so much? Obvious is obvious."

Sharing a long-suffering glance with Daniel, she opened her mouth to answer, but was spared by the whoosh and watery surge of the wormhole opening. O'Neill seemed to forget his question, waving Daniel ahead of him up the steps, as if he wasn't quite sure Daniel would follow if he went first. Carter fell in behind them, wondering what the colonel had said to Daniel, and if Daniel really had to think about his future. Knowing Daniel, he could just be playing hard to get, to keep O'Neill in his place, though one look at the subdued linguist made her reject that theory. More than likely, he just wanted to reserve his options until he was certain.

"I have to thank you for sending Sam after me," Daniel said to the colonel as they reached the event horizon. Carter smiled. She hadn't been sure how Daniel would take her forcing the issue, or her reporting what he'd said back to O'Neill.

"I didn't send her." O'Neill insisted, stopping just short of stepping through the gate.

Daniel smiled, his face highlighted by the pale blue ripple of the energy boundary. A real smile, one that made Carter glad to see it. "Come on, Jack. Sam's not that pushy."

"And I am?" O'Neill said as Daniel stepped into the shimmering light. The colonel followed on his heels. "I am not - "

His words were cut off as he disappeared through the gate. Carter glanced at Teal'c. His head tipped ever so slightly in an attitude of attention. He'd been eavesdropping, too, and he was smiling. Carter felt her own smile widen as she walked with the Jaffa through the event horizon. Something had definitely changed, she had time to think, before the wormhole grabbed her and shoved her toward home.

#

" - pushy!"

Carter heard first thing as she rematerialized, the colonel completing his protest. She took a second to savor the thrill of the gate-ride, then followed Teal'c, who followed O'Neill, who followed Daniel down to the end of the ramp where General Hammond waited. The familiarity of the procession, the clang of four sets of feet on the grating, the smell of the air-conditioned and recycled air, the sight of the colonel and Daniel stopping side by side before their commander, all worked at melting the ice lingering in Sam's gut.

"Welcome back, SG1," General Hammond greeted them, in his deep, raspy drawl. "Find anything interesting?"

"Yes," O'Neill answered, but was over-ridden by Teal'c.

"We found what appears to be a temple of star-worshipers."

"Or a planetarium," Carter offered.

The colonel waited, pointedly, for them to finish before he continued. "I think it was a travel agency." They all stared at him, General Hammond included. O'Neill shrugged. "A big, really fancy, travel agency?"

"Colonel," General Hammond chided, but Daniel lifted a finger to draw his attention, stepping between the general and his team leader.

"Jack could be right," the archeologist disagreed thoughtfully. He stood with one arm across his chest, the finger poised against his lips. His brows raised defensively when they all forgot O'Neill and stared at him instead. "Well, think about it. The paintings on the back walls of the cubicles could be travel posters. The acoustics would be great for a sales seminar. What better way to get customers interested than that dome show Jack found?"

Carter barely kept from laughing, not so much at Daniel's stretching for evidence, but at the smug grin that spread over the colonel's face. O'Neill shifted a little closer to Daniel and lifted his chin, proud of himself. General Hammond continued to stare. Carter tried not to let herself invest in the idea, but in that moment, she was sure Daniel would be staying.

"Colonel O'Neill?" their commander asked Daniel. "May be right? About an archeological find?"

Daniel met the general's gaze dispassionately. "It's worth considering, General. After all ..." Daniel threw a look over his shoulder at O'Neill. "... Jack's been right about a lot of things lately." That said, Daniel walked off, not standing on the military formalities that bound the rest of them in the general's presence.

Hammond turned his steely gaze on one after the other of them. "What just happened here?" he demanded.

Colonel O'Neill was watching Daniel leave through the high, open blast doors. Teal'c looked as confused as the general. Carter sighed and stepped up to bat, feeling light and happy for the first time since P8X-873. "I think we just accomplished our mission, sir." Carter caught the colonel looking between her and the doorway now. He looked uncertain, as if he didn't dare to believe she was right. "This trip was designed to bring SG1 back on line, right, sir?" she offered O'Neill.

He smiled, acknowledging Carter's grasp of his plan with a tiny nod and a warm, if sheepish, meeting of their eyes. "Yes," he said. "Yes, Carter, it was."

"Then mission accomplished, sir. Where's the question mark here?"

She almost didn't hear General Hammond's exasperated dismissal and the standing order to debrief. She was too busy basking in O'Neill's smile, in Teal'c's suddenly relaxed presence. O'Neill dropped an arm across each of his teammates' shoulders and steered them the direction Daniel had gone.

"O'Malley's tonight? I'm buying."

"Even Daniel Jackson could not refuse such an offer."

"I'm in."

"Good. Carter? Want to go reserve us a table? For four."

"Yes, sir. For four."

Yep. On days like this, Carter really loved her job.