Gossip

9th May 2002

Hugh Keevins was accosted by a Celtic supporter in the toilets of the Ubiquitous Chip recently. It was put to Keevins that when he worked for the Scotsman he produced quality journalism but his output for Radio Clyde and the Sunday Mail was now a joke. Hugh countered by asking his accuser what he would do were he to be offered a lot more money to do a new job. The Celt replied, "Hugh. It's good that you can put a price on your integrity!"

Olivier Tebily leaves us today for Birmingham. I am accused of jinxing his career. I met him at the Christmas Midnight Mass prior to the Monday Old Firm game in John Barnes's reign. At the Sign of Peace I mustered my schoolboy french to wish him "Bonne chance, le lundi!". You may remember it was his lapse of concentration that allowed Dodds in for an equaliser in a game that Celtic dominated. Celtic remained 7 points adrift and after the winter break were appallingly bad.

Anyway here goes again. I genuinely do want to wish Olivier good luck. I thought he looked a much better player under Martin O'Neill. I hope he continues to improve and Celtic cash in on the "sell-on" clause.

In the build up to today's Old Firm game, Lorenzo Amoruso used the quotation "It's better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life." Research revealed that this quotation was made by Sister Elizabeth Kenny an Australian nurse whose pioneering methods with polio victims produced remarkable results. At first rejected by the Australian Establishment, she took her methods to America and found fame and acceptance for her methods. In 1947 Pope Pius XII held a private audience with Sister Kenny and presented her with a medal of the Holy Family which she always carried with her. Her principles of rehabilitative medicine are now accepted the world over. Maybe Amoruso should tell the Ibrox medical team!

A couple of jokes this weekend on "Off the Ball" appealed to me:

Did you hear David Murray got landed with a massive electricity bill he can't pay?
Apparently the last person to go into the Ibrox Trophy Room left the lights on!

Did you hear the groundsman at Ibrox won an award for the superb state of the playing surface?
Apparently he puts it down to the £35million pounds worth of shite that's put on the park every fortnight.

Someone suggested a new sponsor for Hearts to replace Strongbow -
They should be sponsored by Radio Forth because they both play shite every week!

Today Ranger's Italian defender, Lorenzo Amaloser pleaded guilty to speeding at 92mph. His excuse will be familiar to Gers fans. Apparently he suffered a "lapse of concentration"!

26 September 2001
Ex-England manager Terry Venables was at the Celtic-Porto game at Parkhead. Poor Tel had had an accident and had spilled something all over his shirt. He had the taxi driver drive him to Marks and Sparks for a new shirt before taking him to the game. If you saw Tel boy and you wondered why he had big lines down his shirt well now you know why.

22 September 2001
Ebbe Skovdahl was interviewed after today's 2-0 defeat by Celtic on Radio Scotland. He defended his match plan using a medical metaphor, "The operation was successful, but the patient died." His interviewer got into the spirit of the thing coming back with, "But couldn't the doctor have taken some action to prevent the death." However Wullie "I have did" Miller topped them both by summing up the Aberdeen contribution to the contest with, "The patient was dead on arrival." Nice one Wullie.

September 2001
Dundee manager Ivano Bonetti thought his team were hard done by against Celtic. The referee, he claimed, was particularly generous at giving Celtic free kicks 50yds from goal. He also didn't seem to notice that Walter Del Rio deliberately put his foot under Chris Sutton's studs before kicking the big man! Unconfirmed reports state that he was unhappy with the sour fruit the teams were given at half time. Apparently this gave an advantage to Celtic, they being more used to dealing with bitter orange.

August 2001
Just prior to the September World Cup qualifiers Stan visited a Partick electrical store. The staff enquired as to his fitness and when he would return to playing. Stan was non-commital. He was then asked if he would be turning out for Bulgaria. When he was slow to reply it was put to him, "Will Martin no let ye?". The bold Stilian replied confidently, "Martin does not have a say".

He was then looking at a fancy remote control and was told, "That will set you back £100." The ink barely dry on his lucrative new contract, Stilian simply spread his arms, raised his eyebrows and shrugged. If only wee Fergus had known how to keep his players so happy.

August 2001
Martin O'Neill, Neil Lennon, Joos Valgaeren were among the Celtic contingent who attended the U2 concert at the SECC. It proved a distraction for some of the Celtic fans in the audience as they spent more time watching the Celtic stars than listening to the band. It didn't prove too restful or relaxing an occasion for our heroes as the attention of fans was to say the least over intrusive. That's the price of being big-money footie stars, I suppose!

July 2001
An acquaintance of Celtic Crazy was on a foreign holiday this year with his family. He was surprised to find that in the same accomodation were Dion Dublin of Aston Villa and a certain kebab-loving, Celtic-hating Kilmarnock player.

Some interesting tips on child-rearing were picked up from the boy in blue. When his kid was misbehaving, the midfield maestro was heard to use this considered reproach; "Stoap that or I'll gie ye a f***ing doing!"